Choosing an RSVP deadline
A reply-by date is not a formality. It is the day you need the numbers for the caterer, the hall or the shopping list, minus a little margin. Set it from that need, say it clearly, and remind guests before it passes.
Start from the date you need the numbers
Work backward. Ask the caterer, the restaurant or the hall when they need a final count. Take that date, step back a few more days to call the guests who have not answered, and that is your reply-by date.
Avoid a deadline on a long weekend or during the holidays, when messages pile up unread. A weekday in the middle of the week, a little after the invitation has had time to circulate, tends to work best.
If nobody needs a count from you, the deadline is still useful: it gives guests a reason to answer now rather than later, and it gives you a day when the list is settled.
Typical lead times
These are starting points, not rules. Check them against the date your suppliers need.
- Wedding with a caterer: three to four weeks before the day.
- Baptism or first communion with a restaurant meal: about two weeks before.
- Parish or community supper: ten days to two weeks before.
- Birthday party at home: one week before.
- Free open event with no meal: a few days before, or none at all.
How to word it
Put the date in full, with the day of the week, and say how to reply. “Please reply by Wednesday, May 12” is clearer than “RSVP May 12,” and both are clearer than “as soon as possible.” Avoid giving a reason that sounds like pressure; a date is enough.
If you need extra information, such as meal choices or dietary restrictions, say that the reply form asks for it, so guests set aside a minute to answer properly rather than replying on the run.
Reminders
Most late replies are forgotten replies, not refusals. A short reminder, sent a few days before the deadline to the guests who have not answered, brings many of them in. A second reminder the day before the event, to the guests who said yes, cuts down on no-shows and saves you a round of questions about the address.
On invitesyou, you can schedule both: a reminder to guests who have not answered, on a date no later than the deadline, and a reminder to attendees the day before. They go out by email, and by text if you choose.
When guests change their minds
Plans change between the reply and the event: a child gets sick, a cousin can come after all. Make it easy for guests to tell you, rather than letting the numbers drift. The deadline is also the date after which a change becomes a phone call instead of a click.
On invitesyou, a guest who has replied can open their personal link again and change their answer until the deadline, and your responses page updates with it. You see the current number, not the one from three weeks ago.
When the date passes
Once the reply-by date you set on invitesyou has passed, the invitation stops accepting replies and tells late guests to contact you directly. You can also close replies yourself at any time, and reopen them if you decide to make room for latecomers.
Decide in advance how you will treat late replies. For a seated dinner, a late yes may mean a seat you no longer have; a kind “we have already given our numbers, but we will see you at the ceremony” is better than an awkward yes. For a supper with a buffet, a few late replies rarely matter.
Before you publish, confirm four things: the date your suppliers need, your reply-by date a few days earlier, a reminder scheduled before the deadline, and a plan for late replies. Then create your invitation and set the deadline in the event details, so it shows on the invitation and closes replies on time.